


If I'd Known

by Divine_Drivel



Category: Cormoran Strike Series - Robert Galbraith
Genre: Not Britpicked, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:53:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25175686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Divine_Drivel/pseuds/Divine_Drivel
Summary: "If I'd known Strike wanted me back, would I have married Matthew?"-from Lethal White
Comments: 60
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alternate turn in Career of Evil. Robin has her mobile and Matt never gets the chance to intercept Strike's call and voicemail.

The temperature had fallen slightly by the time they reached Donington Park Services, where they stopped for a coffee. Robin left her jacket hanging over the back of her chair when she went to the bathroom, handbag slung over her shoulder.

Just as she entered the cubicle, her mobile buzzed. Assuming it was Linda trying to figure out how close they were to home, Robin resolved to call her back once she was finished with the loo. She took an extra minute just sitting there, relishing the silence, only the low hum of the fan in her ear. Once she exited the cubicle, she washed her hands and shook them dry, wiping the excess moisture off the back of her hands onto her trousers. She fished her mobile out of her bag and, upon seeing Strike’s name on the caller id, experienced a frisson. 

She stared at the caller id for a moment, contemplating whether she should call him back immediately or wait until she arrived to Masham.. leave him on his toes for a bit. She decided against playing coy and made to dial his number when a voicemail alert made her mobile buzz once again. A chill of excitement made its way down her spine and Robin pressed “play” and brought the mobile up to her ear.

“Robin.. er.. hi. It’s me.. Cormoran. Well you know it’s me, for chrissake. Anyway..” Strike sighed audibly. “I know you may not want to hear from me right now and I imagine you’re still angry that I sacked you but.. I want you to know.. I’m sorry. I was wrong for sacking you and I hope you’ll come back. I was angry.. livid’s more like it.. but mostly I was upset because I was terrified at what could have happened to you. I couldn’t live with myself if you ever.. anyway. Just give me a call when you get a moment.. if you get a moment. I know you’re busy. I don’t know if you even want to talk to me. If I don’t hear back from you, I won’t bother you again.. but I’d hate to lose you because I lost my temper. I hope we’ll speak soon. Okay.. bye.”

Robin’s cheeks were flushed scarlet. She noticed her hands were trembling and slightly clammy. But she looked up at her reflection and noticed that, for the first time in days, she was smiling. She felt happiness roll over her in waves. First, at the fact that Cormoran had called, then the fact he’d apologized for sacking her, then the fact that he’d asked her back. "I’d hate to lose you,” he’d said. She could not stop smiling.

She made to open the door and head back toward Matt, then paused abruptly. Matt. How was she going to tell Matt? Should she even tell him just now? Should she wait until after the wedding? That was two whole days from now- she couldn’t possibly keep it to herself that long. But if she told him now, they’d certainly row, which could put a damper on the wedding. But he’s her fiancé, surely he would be glad to see her so happy. Or at least he should be.

Before Matthew could spoil her happiness, Robin decided she would get a few things sorted. She took her mobile back out of her bag and, with a fortifying breath, dialed Strike’s number.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robin's first conversation with Strike after having been sacked.

Strike picked up on the second ring. “Robin, hi.”

Robin’s breath hitched. “Hi.”

“How have you been?” he asked tentatively.

“Idle,” she replied dully.

“Yeah, sorry, stupid question. Er.. did you get a chance to listen to the voicemail I left you?”

Robin tried keeping her tone even. “Yes, I did. Look, Cormoran," she took a deep breath, "you know I want to come back.”

Strike let out a sign of relief. “Christ Ellacott, I thought you were about to tell me to sod off!”

Robin laughed perhaps a little too loudly. “I was just going to say that.. I do want to come back but.. I want a contract this time.” She straightened her back. “A proper one.”

“You’ve got it.”

“OK, then.” She paused. “So.. what about your new secretary? I saw you’d placed an advert.” Her voice had cooled slightly.

“Oh, that,” Strike sniggered. 

Robin could not for the life of her figure out what could be so funny.

He continued. “Listen Robin, this stays only between us partners.”

Robin felt her mood immediately lift. “OK,” she said.

“I hired Alyssa.”

“What?!” she yelled incredulously.

“I placed that advert to throw our killer off your trail.”

“What?!” she yelled again. "Do we know who the killer is?”

“It’s Laing.”

“What?!”

“Look, we’ll have plenty of time to discuss all the details later. You need not worry about it right now. I shouldn’t have even told you for Chrissake. You’re getting married in two days.”

Robin did not wish to dwell on why she felt a knot tighten in her stomach after that last statement.

“OK, I get that. But.. we are going to chat later. I want to hear all about your plans and how you figured out it was him and everything.”

He smiled. “It’ll keep. Couldn’t have done it without you, though.”

Robin smiled to herself in the mirror. “Right. Well.. we’re almost in Masham. Speak soon?”

Strike smiled. “Speak soon,” and cut the line.

It occurred to Robin that she had not asked him whether or not he would be attending the wedding. He may not have time, she reasoned, his plan to take down Laing may get in the way of that. Suddenly she wished she was back in London with Strike, getting all the details of the investigation she’d missed over the last few days, rather than on her way into Masham with her fiancé, preparing for their wedding in two days time.

She decided she wouldn’t wait to tell Matthew. She’d tell him when they got back in the Land Rover, away from the prying eyes and ears of Donington Park Services and before they could get to their families in Yorkshire. They would row, she knew, Matthew would likely tell her she was an idiot, if she knew him at all. But there was no way she was going to be talked out of going back to work for Strike. It was the thing that made her most happy, despite her pending nuptials, which should probably take precedence, she thought.

Wearing a grin that had been notably absent for four days, Robin opened the bathroom door. Standing immediately outside, and positively fuming, was Matthew.


	3. Chapter 3

Robin’s hand hadn’t fully left the bathroom door handle when Matthew trilled, “Speak soon, Cormoran!” in that high-pitched, wispy voice he always used when impersonating women.

“Were you eavesdropping on me just now?” asked Robin, genuinely shocked.

Matthew gave an indignant snort. “I was waiting outside the door until I heard you laugh, so I thought I’d pop my head in and see what was so funny. I should’ve known it was that oaf asking you to come back.. and I should’ve known you’d come running back like a lost puppy."

“We’re not doing this here,” hissed Robin, as she walked briskly toward the door. She couldn’t help notice the pretty young barista’s eyes trailing them as they passed Costa Coffee bar. They got back into the Land Rover, Matt slamming his door as he entered.

“I knew you’d react this way,” said Robin.

“Then why are you doing it?” asked Matt.

“Because it’s my bloody life, Matthew!”

“Oh, right,” said Matt, “because I haven’t been affected by what this job has done to you! You were attacked and stabbed, Robin!”

“That was my own fault!”

“He fucking sacked you!”

“Because I did something he’d told me not to do-“

“I knew you’d fucking defend him! I knew if you spoke to him you’d go scurrying back like some fucking lapdog!”

“You don’t get to make those decisions for me!” she yelled. “You hated me working those hours- you didn’t give a damn that I was happy in my job for the first time in my life!”

“You almost LOST your life working for that arshole!”

“At least I was happy Matt! At least there was SOMETHING in my life that made me happy!”

Matt’s eyes were wide with anger. “We’re getting married in two days and you’re telling me the job was the only thing making you happy?”

Robin buried her face in her hands. “I didn’t.. I don’t.. I don’t know how I feel about us anymore, Matthew.”

“You’re fucking him, aren’t you? Otherwise you’re a fucking idiot for going back to him.”

“What?! Fuck off, Matt! I’m a fucking idiot for almost marrying a malignant narcissist like you!”

Robin’s mobiled buzzed from inside her handbag. Dreamlike, Robin checked the caller id, saw it was Strike, and answered. “Hi Cormoran.”

“Hi Robin,” said Strike, “I forgot to tell you earlier, I’m going to try to make it to the wedding. I may be detained at New Scotland Yard if all goes to plan, but I’m going to try to make it.”

Unable to hear their conversation, Matthew bristled beside her.

“Yeah.. well.. that’s okay. I really don’t think-“

Robin’s mobile was pulled roughly out of her hand. Shocked, she spun around in her seat. Matthew ended the call with a stab of his finger.

“How DARE you?” shouted Robin, holding out her hand. “Give that back!”

“We’re trying to save this relationship and you’re taking calls from him?”

“I’m not trying to save this relationship! Give me back my phone!”

He hesitated, then thrust it back at her.

Robin grabbed the keys from the ignition. “Get out.”

“What?!” asked Matt incredulously.

“I’m serious. Get out. I’m not marrying you.”

“Rob.. look. I guess.. If you really want to go back to him..” bellowed Matt, trying his best at a conciliatory tone.

Robin straightened her back and kept her voice even. “No. You don’t get to do that this time. You’re not going to manipulate me into staying again. Our lives are going in separate directions, Matt. You’re never going to approve of my job- it’s never going to be glamorous enough or pay enough. You’re always going to accuse me of having an affair with Cormoran while maintaining a close relationship with a woman you actually slept with while we were together. It’s over."

Matt blinked several times, as though he was trying to process everything she was saying. “How do you think your life looks to other people?” he asked quietly.

“What d’you mean?”

“You bailed out on uni. You bailed out on that Human Resources job. Now you’re bailing out on us. You’re a fucking flake. The only thing you haven’t run out on is this stupid job that’s half-killed you, and you got sacked from THAT. He only took you back because he wants to get into your pants. And he probably can’t get anyone else so cheap.”

She felt as though he had punched her. Winded, her voice sounded weak.

“Thanks, Matt,” she said, grabbing his bag from the back seat of the Land Rover and tossing it onto the ground. “Thanks for making this so easy.”

Matt shook his head in disbelief. “Robin! How am I supposed to get back to London?!”

Robin fastened her safety belt and put on her sunglasses. “Well, Matt, you’ve got a very well-paid job. Cab fare and a train ticket shouldn’t make much of a dent, should it?”

Robin pulled out of her parking space and headed back toward the M1, leaving both Donington Park Services and Matthew in her rear view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the dialogue in this chapter looks familiar, it's because it's from two of their biggest rows in LW. I imagined all of those same feelings cropping up in this final argument so I made sure to work them in. ;)


	4. Chapter 4

Strike rang Robin back while she and Matthew were still arguing. Instead of leaving her a voicemail, he sent her a text message asking if she was all right. Once she felt her breathing had returned to normal, she dialed his number and placed it on speaker.

“Robin! You all right?” he asked upon answering.

“Hi! Yes, I’m fine,” she said, feeling the color rise in her cheeks once again. “Sorry about earlier. Matt took my phone and ended our call.”

Strike paused before responding carefully. “Did he, now?” He was quietly seething.

“The wedding’s off. I’ve decided we’re not well-suited enough for marriage,” said Robin, in her best attempt at matter-of-factness.

“Oh,” said Strike. “Shit. I’m sorry.” But his expression of concern was at total odds with his actual feelings. His dark mood had lightened so abruptly that it was akin to having moved from sober to three pints down. Another long pause. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not especially, just now,” replied Robin. “But thanks for asking. I let Matthew think I was going back to London so he’d try following me there, but I have to go to Masham to break it to Mum and Dad in person.”

“I don’t expect that’ll be an easy conversation,” said Strike.

Robin let out a long sigh. “Not at all. But I don’t think it’ll be too much of a shock, not to Mum anyhow. She made it clear when we’d split up that she supported me either way.”

“Well that’s good, I s’pose,” he said, trying to hide his sudden cheerfulness. Strike much preferred her being in Masham until after Laing was apprehended, but he knew better than to say it aloud. “So when do you think you’ll be making your way back to London?” he asked casually.

“Tomorrow, I expect. I’ll keep you posted. I’ve got to ring off just now- gotta call Mum and make sure she and Dad are home when I arrive.”

“Sounds good- speak soon Robin.” Strike had no problem hiding his disappointment in her planning to return to London while Laing was still on the streets. His spirits were immediately buoyed when he remembered Robin would be returning to work, no longer engaged to be married.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Robin did not call her mother upon ringing off with Strike. Instead, she rolled down the windows of the Land Rover and listened to nothing but the sound of the wind whipping her hair. She thought she would have cried by the time she passed through Doncaster, but her eyes were bone dry. She felt nothing but relief. 

Robin did not have to phone Linda. Her mother called as she was some 30 kilometers from arriving in Masham and confirmed that she and Michael would be home to greet her. Robin did not mention that she would be arriving alone. When she arrived, Martin was outside smoking a fag. She brushed her windswept hair as he put out his cigarette and tossed it in the bin.

Martin half-jogged up to the Land Rover and opened her door, pulling her out of the vehicle and ruffling her freshly tamed hair. “Last time I get to harass you before you’re a married woman!” Robin hid her face from view and gave him an indulgent half-chuckle. “Where’s Matt?” asked Martin.

“Stop being so nosey and grab a bag!” she replied, not before giving him a loving swat round the back of the head.

When they walked inside the house and sat down her bags, Robin was greeted with hugs from both her parents. “Where’s Matthew?” asked her father.

Feeling her mother’s eyes on her, she looked back and forth between the both of them. “On the train back to London by now, I hope.”

The room fell silent. Even Martin was speechless. Linda let out a long sigh before sitting down. “God Robin, what’s happened now?”

Robin recounted the events of the past three hours in detail. How Strike had asked her back, how Matt had eavesdropped on her conversation before she had the chance to tell him, how they had rowed, how he had snatched away her phone, how he had berated her and accused her of infidelity, and how she had left him and his holdall in a car park in Derby.

“Are you sure you’re not being a bit hasty, darling?” asked Michael gently.

“Dad, no. I’ve been miserable these last few days. I want nothing more than to go back to work. I know it’s not as safe as Human Resources but I was so much happier-"

“Robin,” her mother interjected softly. “I think he was asking about ending the engagement.” Michael nodded.

“Oh. That.” Robin looked down at her hands. “Mum.. Dad.. I know you’ve paid a lot of money.”

“We’re not asking about money, Robin,” said Linda. “We paid for the wedding because we wanted it to be the happiest day of your life. If you won’t be happy, it'll mean nothing.”

Suddenly, Robin felt those elusive tears spring to her eyes. “Oh, Mum. If I’m being honest, I don’t think I’ve been happy with Matt for ages.” She began crying in earnest. “I want to love him like I used to- I really do. But everything’s just been so different since..”

“Since you went to work for Strike?” asked her mother.

“It’s not his fault! He’s never done or said anything to dissuade me from marrying Matthew. He’s always kept a professional distance- we never talk about our personal lives- it’s just not something we do.”

“I don’t think it’s anybody’s fault, love.” Robin found herself laying on the settee, her head resting in Linda’s lap. “I’m only saying that I think this job has revealed to both you and Matt that you may not have been as compatible as you thought. It’s nobody’s fault,” she said again, as she stroked Robin’s hair.

“We just want you to be happy,” said Michael, grateful for Linda’s effortless maternal comfort.

Robin lay there, thinking about what happy had meant to her two years ago, versus what it felt like now. Two years ago it was romantic dinners in Belgravia. Now it was long journeys with thermoses of tea and chocolate biscuits in a smelly old Land Rover.

“OK, well.. if you’re sure.. I’ll go ahead and start making calls,” offered her mother.

“I’m sure,” said Robin, wiping her eyes and sitting up straight. Linda got up to grab the cordless receiver and sat down at the kitchen table.

Martin sat next to his sister and put a hand on her shoulder. “Sorry, Bobbi. Want me to punch him in the face?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a LW exchange in here, from when Robin tells Strike that she and Matthew have split up. :)


	5. Chapter 5

After contacting the venues and vendors, Linda started dialing the bridal party and guests. Robin asked her not to contact her cousin Katie- she wanted to tell her in person. Katie was Robin’s favorite cousin and, had she not been heavily pregnant, she would have been one of her bridesmaids. Robin phoned Katie and asked if she could take her into Harrogate for dinner. Mercifully, Katie did not ask questions.

Robin arrived at Katie’s around 5:30. She climbed laboriously into the Land Rover and struggled to catch her breath as she fastened her safety belt, her engorged belly resembling a beach ball. "Have I told you I’m due on your big day?” she asked. 

Robin laughed. “You’ve mentioned it a time or two.” She was silent, not quite knowing how to bring up the fact that her wedding plans were currently being dismantled by Linda. 

Katie noticed her bare left hand straight away. “Where’s your ring, Rob?”

Robin filled Katie in, omitting nothing. The conversation took all forty minutes of the drive to Betty’s Cafe.

Once they were seated, Katie ordered the shrimp penne with a salad, while Robin ordered the fish and chips. She had been forcing herself to eat since being sacked but she now found herself very hungry.

Katie made quick work of her pasta, then ordered two fat rascals. “God, Robin, I just can’t believe it.” Her eyes were wet.

Robin frowned. “Katie, are you all right?”

Katie waved away her concern, “Bloody hormones. It’s not you. I cry at everything, I promise. I’m really happy that you have your job back- I know how much it means to you. I am sad about you and Matt though.”

“Don’t be sad. I’m actually the happiest I’ve been in a while,” said Robin, as she took a large bite of her fat rascal.

Robin dropped off Katie around 8:30 and headed home. She had been ignoring calls and texts all evening- most of them were from Matt. Rather than continue seeing her phone illuminate every few minutes, she went into her mobile settings, blocked Matt and his friends and relatives, then placed her phone on airplane mode. The only calls that could get through were from contacts saved to her favorites, and that list consisted of her parents and brothers, Katie, and of course Strike. 

She knew Stephen and Jonathan would go straight to their parents with any questions, so she didn’t worry about them ringing her when she lay down. By 9:00, she was sleeping dreamlessly. When she woke the next morning and checked her phone, she was surprised to see she’d slept almost thirteen hours. She was also surprised to see a text from Katie that had come in around 8.

“In labor. Not to be dramatic but it’s definitely due to your personal turmoil (kidding). Heading to hospital now. K x”

Robin quickly showered and headed to the local hospital with Linda. Once they’d checked in with Katie’s mother and realized she wasn’t fully dilated, they went out for lunch. They were both in good spirits as they ate and speculated over the name and sex of the baby- Katie and her husband were keeping it a secret.

Katie delivered a healthy baby girl named Clementine around half past four. After Robin and Linda were allowed a brief visit with mum and baby, they headed back home. She received a text from Strike around seven asking if she was still in Masham. She informed him she wouldn’t be returning to London until the following day, due to the sudden entrance of her newest baby cousin. He divulged no information about his plans to take down Laing but vowed to call her as soon as he left New Scotland Yard.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Robin awoke at 8 the following day with a pit in her stomach. It was supposed to be her wedding day. Though she knew it was irrational, she imagined Matt showing up at her parents’ house, demanding to see her, to talk to her. She could see him pleading that the driver was waiting, the photographer, the church, the guests.. although she knew her mother had painstakingly disassembled all working parts of her would-be nuptials.

What really bothered her was that she had not heard from Strike. She’d tried phoning him once before going to bed around midnight. Then again when she woke up. Finally, he called her just before 9:00.

“Cormoran!”

“Robin! Sorry! I’ve just left New Scotland Yard. Had to spend a few hours in hospital before that.” He sounded exhausted.

“Hospital? Are you all right?”

“M’fine. Had a bit of a tussle with Laing but he’s in police custody and I’ve been stitched up so all’s well.”

“Okay, start from the beginning,” said a relieved Robin.

“What time are you planning on getting back to London?”

“I’m about to visit Katie on my way out of town- should be back before 3."

“Right.. well.. I’m completely fucking knackered, Robin. I’d really love to get a few hours of sleep and then tell you all about it in person.”

Robin grinned. “I suppose I can’t fault you for that. Get some rest- I’ll call you when I’m close to London. Not ready to go back to the flat just now.”

“Understandable,” replied Strike, hoping she didn’t detect the smile playing at his lips.

Robin rang off, hugged her parents and Martin, and loaded her things onto the back seat of the Land Rover. Peaking its shiny black head out of one of her bags was a very expensive bottle of champagne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know we all wanted Robin to go straight back to Strike but I really wanted a reason to keep her in Masham so he wouldn't be distracted by her presence in London while taking down Laing. Also, I think the idea of Robin and Katie is very sweet and I wanted to explore that. Don't worry though- she's headed back to Strike now! :)


	6. Chapter 6

When he arrived at his flat in Denmark Street, Strike showered and fell into a deep slumber. He slept dreamlessly until Robin phoned him around 2:30 to let him know she was close. As he opened the door to the outer office, he glanced over at her desk, left practically untouched by Alyssa. He was grateful that Robin would soon return to it.

Robin came through the door holding a large paper bag. She pulled out a tub of Singapore noodles with prawn for Strike and won ton soup for herself. “Figured you hadn’t had lunch,” she said with a smile.

“Thanks very much,” said Strike, feeling especially tender toward her for having brought him food.

Strike set aside his tub of noodles. “So,” he said, “I know we have a lot to catch up on but I just wanted to start by saying that I’m really sorry about all the.. er.. personal things you’ve had to deal with lately.”

Robin protested, “Don’t be sorry about Matt and me..”

Strike cut her off, “I’m not. If I’m being completely honest.. but I know breakups are painful, especially when you’ve been in a long-term relationship. I’m just sorry about any difficulty you might be experiencing over it. I know what it feels like.”

Robin smiled warmly, “Thanks. But I promise I’m all right. In fact,” she pulled a bottle of 1998 Dom Pérignon out of her bag. “Mum bought me this to celebrate our wedding night. She says now I can use it to celebrate my independence."

“Very nice!” said Strike appreciatively. “Ya know, I’m not much for champagne but this is good stuff!” Robin nodded in agreement as she placed the bottle back into her bag. “Now,” Strike continued, “Let me catch you up on everything that’s happened in the past week.”

They spent the better part of an hour eating Chinese takeaway and recounting all the details of the Laing case, as well as sparring over Robin’s decision to pursue Brockbank, on which they eventually agreed to disagree. This led to them discussing the terms of their partnership and Robin’s new employment contract.

“So.. have you got your living situation sorted?” Strike asked her.

Robin rolled her eyes. “Not exactly. London is excruciatingly expensive, as you’ll know. I’ve been looking at a room in a shared house in Hampstead.”

Strike grimaced. “I was afraid you’d say that. Look.. Nick and Ilsa have got a proper spare room, they’d be delighted-“

“I can’t sponge off your friends,” said Robin.

“It wouldn’t be sponging,” said Strike. “They like you and you could stay there for a couple of weeks until you find a proper place of your own.”

“I don’t know, Cormoran. I’d hate to ask them-“

“Too late. I already have,” said Strike, through a mouthful of noodles. “Hope you don’t mind.”

Robin sighed. “Why am I not surprised? Thank you.”

Strike raised an eyebrow. “I know you haven’t returned to the flat just yet. Do you need me to come help you pack?”

“You’d do that?”

“Course I would. Between us, Nick, and Ilsa, we should have you cleaned out in no time. Not to mention we’ll make sure Matthew doesn’t give you any trouble.” Strike tried to suppress sudden thoughts of punching the little tosser in the gut.

“Mum called just as I got back into London to let me know he’d come by the house looking for me. I’m hoping that means he’s in Masham at least for the night.

“Great. Let’s go ahead and grab as many of your things as we can- I’ll phone Nick and Isla. They’re on standby,” he added with a wink.

Robin smirked. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were enjoying this. Not that you’d admit it.”

Strike opened the outer door and motioned for Robin to pass through. “You’re right,” he said with a grin, “I wouldn’t admit it."


End file.
